I’m unemployed
September 2, 2024
I’m unemployed. It’s now September, and I was laid off in late May. That’s a little over 3 months of… nothing. No job. Nothing.
I remind myself that there’s hundreds of people with so much more time under their belt. Some of my friends and acquaintances have been without a job for almost a year or more.
This would be impossible to imagine had it not been for Covid-19. That was the last time I was unemployed, but there was this colossal reason behind it. No one was employed. However, it also feels that way now…
My most recent occupation was in the film industry. If you know, you know. The film industry is not doing great at the moment. The company where I worked closed down. I’ve heard of several other companies or departments closing down. It feels like the end of this industry, but I know this is just an ebb. A flow is forthcoming …eventually.
In my own little corner of the world, I feel… a range of things. I feel useless. I feel like I’m not contributing to society, and therefore, what good am I? I feel anxious that I won’t become financially stable before my unemployment runs out. I feel hopeful that I will. I feel scared that I will have to get some mindless low-paying job just to pay the bills at some point.
You might be thinking- but it’s a job? You’re right. I would potentially be paying the bills. That is good. But, what’s better? Living.
I’ve been trying to convince my dad to live more. He’s in his 70’s and he has been working since… god, I don’t even know. Perhaps 16, maybe even earlier. That’s the majority of his life spent working. I know at one point in my adolescence he was unemployed briefly (the Recession), but I can’t remember that period of time for the life of me. All I remember is my dad going to work. And then, coming home from work utterly exhausted.
I love my dad and I will always be inspired by him, but frankly, I don’t want that life for myself. And, truth be told, he doesn’t either.
We had a phone call a couple months ago where he told me he’s met more and more freelancers who have absolutely wonderful, carefree existences. He’s envious of these people and he even put myself in that category. He said things just weren’t done that way when he was my age- otherwise, he would have considered a completely different lifestyle.
While I’m not successfully freelancing at the moment, that is my new goal. I’d rather work some of the time, than the majority. I want the majority of my life to be spent living. And, while I have this unexpected free time right now, that’s what I intend to do.
In a way, I’m grateful for my unemployment. I’ve been gifted this time to think and consider and feel and enjoy. I’ve been doing so much more of the things I actually enjoy doing. Spending more time with friends, visiting places in town that I’ve always wanted to see, devoting time to creative projects. This time, as uncertain as it has been, is a gift.
Though I am uncertain about the future, I also believe in myself and I trust that things will work out. I don’t always feel that way, but in my darkest hours, I still try. I brush away my tears and try to look on brightside. I was so quick to get a job after the first few months of Covid-19, that I didn’t appreciate the time I had. No one really could- we were all desperately trying to navigate and understand the state of the world. But now, I’m certainly doing my best.
That’s all we can ever really do.
